An open letter to my ex-wife

To my ex-wife

I reckon it’s likely that you will read this before Alex does. so I feel quite safe in putting this up here.

As you make your way towards your sixtieth birthday now I guess we both have to recognize that this situation, however it happened, has been a foolish one, and something which likely hasn’t done our child any good.  I will be in contact with him one day, I am sure, or, even if I’m dead, my son Charlie will get in touch with his half-brother. So sooner or later, we will close the circle and put an end to this.

I sometimes wish that we could be friends and I could get the answers to some of the questions that I still wonder about.  But I’m not prepared to just communicate in writing. It’s not healthy and it carries too many bad connotations.  If you truly still feel ‘afraid for your safety’ a decade later, when you’ve lived peacefully all this time, then I guess there’s nothing I can do about that apart from to hope that the feeling goes away. You have nothing to fear from me.  I’ve moved on with my life and I just feel a gentle sadness that things went so wrong.

As I said to you in my phone call a year (or was it two) ago, I’m still willing to see Alex and spend time with him.  I reckon I could help him quite a bit with his exams and he should have the chance to spend time with his dad.  He has a half-brother that it would be good for him to know and his two step-sisters are only slightly older than he is – and would also be a good thing for him.  We aren’t a bad family with our doggy and bicycles and shouted ‘it’s at the top of the stairs’ conversations.

I’m truly sorry for the things that have happened to you in your life that have caused you such pain, fear and mistrust.  I have my own regrets over certain things that were done and said in the past and I probably would have done some things differently now. However I guess life is a hard teacher. She gives the test first and the lesson after. It’s funny how perspectives change as you get older.

Life moves on and I’m very happy and I hope that you found happiness too.   I personally feel that our son deserves a chance to know me, but I’ve also given up on the idea that it will be sooner rather than later.   If it’s later, then I expect we will both have some explaining to do one day.

Anyways. I will end this note with an invitation to show Alex the site, or for you to contact me using the form:  Contact

John

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